Maybe you’ve read The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. Maybe you’ve been to a wedding. Maybe you’ve been married. Either way, you’re probably aware of The Vow component in the ceremony. When the betrothed say things to one another.
I don’t mean to sound curt, but sometimes what the people getting married say to one another are not vows. They are funny quips or shallow promises of how to deal with the toilet seat. Vows are statements in front of witnesses. Imagine that. So what declarations do you have to share with your partner and this audience?
I can’t believe people take this lightly. In particular, people who have had this state sanctioned privilege for generations. Or who have taken the opportunity to marry again, and again.
The classic vows include “in sickness and in health, til death do us part.” They do not include “if you get pregnant, you must marry, and most likely get pregnant again keeping us in a cycle of poverty.” They do not include “you complete my need for Co-dependence and therefore I’ll wait for you to cheat on me to understand that we never asked for what we wanted in the beginning.” Promising to be with someone should be as unique as you are…reflecting who you may yet become.
I’m seeing this from two angles. People who get married young and people who are overtly or covertly attempting to fit into cultural norms. It is hard to stay with someone when you don’t really know them and perhaps as they do not truly know themselves (see: Kim and Kanye West, Miley Cyrus, Ariana Grande). It is also symptomatic of divorce to exclude any form of growth from your relationship.
Two do not simply become One because *we proclaim that on this day!* One is a metaphor if anything. One is the missing component of Growth.