It crossed my mind to simplify. Separate your creativity from your job. What you do for employment does not necessarily have to be the outlet for other talents. Dreams. I thought, “I’m not as good as these other people. I don’t have to be validated for particular abilities. I just need to do something that doesn’t spike my anxiety. Something that pays bills.” I looked at jobs in dental offices.
Then I watched a film. Often I find something that ends up speaking to that nagging question in my heart, that’s moved its way into the repetition in my mind. After the movie I laughed, “oh, I’m not supposed to give up. Ha! Ok.” And then I moved on.
Not to a better passion. Not to some rejuvenating action. Just to the next thought. That the alchemy of patience, preparation, timing, opportunity, and networking will eventually get me to where I need to be. A little peace. Not giving up hard work. Just realignment of my spine.